Mummies...make it happen...

As I've previously mentioned, I would be pretty excited to be eaten by a tiger or a squid once I'm dead, however, this might be frowned upon in the world of "white" funerary practices. I say "white" funerary practices because many other cultures have super sweet ways of dealing with the dead while European type folks really like their lame old urns, coffins, and silly funerals. I'm not saying it's wrong, but man, only white people can take the death ritual and make it into such a boring and sanitary experience. That being said, I understand why we don't leave our dead lying around to be devoured by birds like the Tibetan sky burials (which, by the way, are AWESOME...) but come on, dumped in a hole to slowly rot away? Where's the creativity? The panache? The flair? Now, this might not be a popular option, but I think we should start mummifying people again. For some reason, people really seem to like to hold on to their dead in memory, constantly bringing them up like it matters...so why not put your money where your mouth is and mummify these people that are so important so you can actually keep them close? Way cooler than an urn right? Also, what a great conversation piece...no one ever, EVER, looks at the urn on the mantle and says, "Man, cool urn, what's the story behind that?"...but you have a mummy propped up in the corner of the games room and I guarantee that you'll have some legitimately interesting conversations because if it. Also, I would assume that the modernized version of mummification would allow you to have a sweet video of the process, not unlike the videos of medical procedures that allow you to watch your leg get sawed off (my dad has a video of his knee replacement...no joke, it's horrifying)...on second thought, maybe we can live without videos of a loved one's brain being removed through their nose.
Personally, I feel like ocean burials are pretty cool...not because I love the ocean (the opposite actually, the ocean terrifies me...) but because it seems like the most logical way to rid ourselves of an enormous volume of bodies...also, circle of life anyone? Dead people feed fishes and fishes feed living people...perfect! I would actually hope to be devoured by Cthulhu but I'm not sure how likely that is so squids and sharks and all the other creepy weird things in the ocean would probably have to suffice. Ocean burials might not be quite as cool as, say, being shot into space on/in a rocket (unless you're shot into the ocean with a giant slingshot or something...) but it's probably a more green option than just sending our dead into space.